I randomly caught a documentary today1 about a chinese painter which made me reflect on my own art journey. In general people love to pigeonhole other people. Our brain is constantly looking to faster ways in which the vast amount of information could be digested. If we would have to sit and analyze everything to the detail we would go crazy. There is simply too much input in one day for the human mind. Shortcuts as in labels for stuff and people work much better. The problem with this is that we can often be wrong.
Qiu Xiaoqiu , the painter, said how he was at first labeled as the one who painted plants and landscapes. But as soon as he started to paint animals and wildlife everyone lifted a brow. How come? Once you are put in a box – artist A paints B- is very difficult to let people see you differently and accept that you have every right to paint whatever brings you joy. As an artist myself I looked at this old painter, at his enthusiasm and his discipline to continue to paint even at an older age. I felt admiration for his journey as he showed 20 m long canvases with painted wildlife. His process of creation, from going into the nature, studying the animal, making a sketch and then going back home and working on a detailed piece of art made me realize how profoundly healing art is.
I had a dream about going to an art university and finally being able to study this professionally , even if I have native talent. But as I dropped out of the arts last year and focused on my health I realized something: in school they make you draw what they want. So, at least for me, this can lead to a constant feeling of frustration, of not being able to choose a particular field in which you would like to progress. Anatomy studies are a must in arts yet I have found myself bored with the classical way of doing things. I feel I need to put my personal touch on every piece of art that I do. As I am going to chemotherapy on a weekly basis I take my art with me and sit with it. Work on it. Dot by dot. Hours pass by. I realize how healing it is for my soul to be able to do this. I realize that I need no diploma in order to create and when I will become known as an artist is just a matter of time . The pressure to sell the art, to have different exhibitions, to be known…it all leaves me cold now. I do not want to put this kind of burden on my shoulders anymore. Art is just art. You create. You paint what brings you joy. You paint because you feel like it. No intention about the final outcome. Just like a panda enjoys the sweet crispy bamboo without making a whole philosophy about it so should we artists enjoy the creative process of painting…just for the fun of it.
So I initially started to work on this anatomy drawing because the teacher said so.
I started to sketch it and then put watercolour.
Then I dropped from the art university. And I continued to work on this until my right hand got swollen.
I then craved for health. I realized how precious my hands are and how little appreciation I have had for them.
Now I am much better. And I just want to paint and create and be an artist and make millions of dots on my drawings just because I can.
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